SOMEDAY

First things first - HAPPY FRIDAY (oh my goodness how happy I am to say that!!).

But no time for dilly dallying today - let's get down to business.

I have a serious question to ask of you:

How do you stay focused and motivated for "someday" things when "now" things spring up?

To explain...

I want, more than anything (almost anything), to be a homeowner someday.

Obviously to purchase a home, one needs a down payment.  Therefore, one needs to save save save.

But how do you (yes YOU, dearest darlingest reader) stay focused on such a long-term goal when there are things here, there, and everywhere demanding financial attention?

Apartment things, fashion things, delicious food and drink things, fun outing and adventure things, adorable baby things to buy for your niece, stupid annoying things like car maintenance...

I'm pretty sure you get the point.

Future home purchase aside, I'm also going to be paying for a majority of my someday wedding.

That's not a price tag to scoff at, either.

And yet... these stupid now things tempt me so.

So, again, I ask:

How do you stay focused and motivated for "someday" things?

This lady needs your help :)

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THE FIRST STEP

So I talked and talked and talked about it... and yesterday I took the first official step towards my dreams.

That's right...

I applied to a grad program.

p.s. is that staircase not fantastic?  I would so love that in my future dream home... until then, I'll just share it here :)

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THE JOY IS MINE

**This is a rant post.  You have been warned.**

Comparison is the thief of joy.  I just keep repeating it to myself over and over.  I am so frustrated and overwhelmed with things I want to say about this that I don't even know where to start.  The phrase is on repeat in my mind.

It rings so true.  SO true that it stirs up all sorts of anger from deep within me.  Anger at "society".  Anger at the "media".

Anger at myself.  For letting my self-judgment and propensity toward... not jealousy... but feeling less than enough steal my joy.

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We live in a highly competitive society.

I know my generation is full of "participation award" winners and that supposedly messed us up and made us feel entitled... but I would argue otherwise.

No kid with a participation ribbon thinks he or she is a "winner".  Kids know that first place is the best and that anything less is... not the best.

Kids know who the smartest kid in class is.  Kids know who the funniest kid in class is.  The prettiest.

The list goes on.

I can't tell you how many of my friends are stuck with these labels (affixed to them by adolescents clambering up the ladder toward social success) permanently ingrained in their self-perception.

I bet if you took a poll, almost every single person you asked could name that person.  The person who seemed to embody perfection at a level unattainable to the rest of us.  The person whose talents and abilities outshone the rest of us.  The person who, because of their success, made the rest of us feel inadequate.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

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I think this is encouraged (and perpetuated) by the media.

Gossip magazines rank the most hated celebrities.  If that isn't bad enough all on its own...

Who "wins" (loses?)...

An infamous serial killer?  An out-of-control young star that wreaks havoc everywhere he goes?  A desperate starlette fighting addiction and setting a terrible example for young girls everywhere?

No.  Don't be silly.

Gwyneth Paltrow.

Because... she strives to eat a clean diet... she works hard to be a devoted mother... and she can afford a wardrobe the vast majority of Americans cannot...

Seriously?

If we have really gotten to the point of hating someone who SEEMS to have it all together (I'm sure Gwyneth has her frazzled moments just like the rest of us), then we are in a very sad, sad state.

Don't let Gwyneth steal your joy, people.

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When I get really honest with myself and the things that I struggle with (shopping too much, hating my body, anxiety, feeling ugly, feeling unworthy), it's pretty clear that these serious issues all stem from my mind being in a place of comparison.

I would be better and happier if I had a closet more like her.

Why can't my arms be more toned like hers?  I need to work harder to change them.

I need everything to be under control in its proper place so that some unnamed rival is defeated.

How can D be sure that I'm the right person for him?  There are so many other women who are nicer, sweeter, more giving, and might make him happier.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

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Let's look at those same thoughts from a place of gratitude and self-love.

I am so blessed to have what I have.  Regardless of what I wear, I am a good person.  I am enough.

I feel healthy.  I exercise because it makes me feel good.  I eat well because it makes me feel good.  Feeling good and healthy is more than enough.

There will be moments that I have it all together.  There will be moments when I don't.  Whether or not everyone shares them, everyone has these ups and downs, as well.  It is perfectly acceptable.

I choose D because he makes me happy, challenges me, and encourages me to be a better person for myself because he loves me.  I trust him to be doing the same in choosing me as a partner.  I am nice, sweet, giving, make him happy, and love him.  I am enough.

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Sorry, comparison.

At least for this moment, on this day, the joy is mine.

Make it yours, too.

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WHERE YOUR THOUGHTS TAKE YOU

Love this.

First of all, I'm thinking about Maui right now... because I am traveling there this Thursday for my best friend's wedding!!

Can't wait.  Or, maybe I can wait... at least until I pack.

But obviously this quote isn't about globetrotting...

I am today where my thoughts have brought me.  Interesting to think about.

When I took my first job straight out of school, I hated it.  I didn't like my day-to-day tasks, but I also didn't like the person whom the company wanted me to be.

I swore off the industry (construction), but deep down I wondered if it was just the working environment I hated.  After all, I have a degree in engineering.  You can't just throw that away.

Where did my thoughts take me?

Back to construction with a company that lets me be who I am and encourages me to find my own path to success.  I have the "dream" scenario that I wondered about five years ago.

And I still don't like it.  It has nothing to do with my coworkers - they, for the most part, are fantastic.

It just doesn't make my soul sing.  And now I can officially shut down those "what if" thoughts and move on.

So these past few months my thoughts have taken me somewhere very different.  And I started filling out a grad school application last night so that I will be where my thoughts have been.

This law of universal attraction isn't just for big picture stuff.  Do you ever have a lousy start to your day and then find a million things to be irritated about?

Maybe that's just your thoughts taking you deeper into misery and annoyance.

Maybe a simple mental shift would put a rosy hue on your afternoon.

Just as I am working to proactively shift my thoughts to redirect my path... maybe I can use this same process to clean my mind of self-effacing thoughts, of judgmental thoughts, of jealous thoughts, of anxious thoughts.

Easier said than done, but let's see where it takes us, shall we?

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ACCOUNTABILITY

My oh my it's May...  (and the first time I started this post it was October)

Spring is in full swing and temperatures hit the 90's this week!!

My very sweet, enthusiastic intern/roommate went home for the summer and my apartment is ALL MINE for the next month.

And between weddings, showers, bachelorette parties, college reunions, and (let's be honest) spring fashion... my bank account officially hates me right now.

So I'm going to (regret saying this, but) partake in something I saw on another blog (Modern Eve).

Monthly "what I bought" reports.

Keeps me honest.  Because addicts have to admit they have a problem.

And I love me some shopping.

So far?

I bought an iced coffee this morning at Starbucks.

And a tank of gas.

OKAY FINE AND I ALSO BOUGHT A SAUSAGE & EGG SANDWICH, but I gave the english muffin to my boyfriend a coworker.

Just kidding.

I mean I did, but I'm not going to bombard you with that much crazy detail.

Home stuffs, clothing stuffs, jewelry stuffs, maybe makeup stuffs.

That's what I'll be reporting.

Unless I go crazy (uncrazy?) and change my mind.

What do you do to keep yourself financially accountable?  Do you budget?  Save your pennies?  Stuff cash under your mattress?  I'd love to hear, because I need all the budgeting help I can get!!