THAT POWER

Definitely no # here.  I am either not cool enough or not obnoxious enough... I guess it depends on who you ask :)

Anyway, do you ever have one of those days/weeks/months where you feel completely out of control?

I have been stuck in that helpless rut and am starting to feel like I'm regaining traction.

You hear me, universe?  I've got that POWER!!  For right now, at least...

My schedule may be totally insane, but I'm doing a good job of plotting it all out and I'm putting some tools in place to help me stay sane.

It looks a bit like this:

1) Google calendar, a paper desk calendar, and Outlook calendar.  Compulsive?  Yes.  Comprehensive?  Hell yes.  I don't care if it's overkill, I am loving it.

2) Meal planning.  There is no way I can stay in a healthy eating mindset while juggling one full-time job and three side jobs (throw a grad program in the mix this fall and I may spontaneously combust).  I signed up for a meal plan with one of my favorite primal (read: paleo) blogs and will do a review once I get a couple more weeks under my belt.  It does make grocery shopping easier and on nights when I don't have multiple after-work commitments I can cook up a storm.

3) Lots of spreadsheets.  Budgets, future plans, separate schedules for the side jobs, etc.  Good thing I love me some excel.

4) Hopefully this one will come into play soon: a REAL smartphone (not the free Blackberry my work gives me).  I need a device that can keep up with my lifestyle and I have my eye on a couple options.  This weekend D is going to help me pick the best phone for my needs and then I will share as I make my way into the 21st century.  Totally excited/terrified.

If you have any tips for keeping up with a busy busy schedule (or apps or whatever), I'd love to hear 'em!!  The one thing I know I need to work on is scheduling time for myself.  I tend to see white space on a calendar and fill it right up.

Maybe a bubble bath and a glass of wine should be penciled in this weekend...

p.s. I loved Judith Hill's version of #thatPOWER on this season of The Voice.  She didn't make it to the finals, but her talent is undeniable!!

THIS IS YOUR LIFE

This is your life.

Maybe you don't need a reminder.

Some days I don't.

Some days I do.

This is it.  Right now.

I am passing moments typing these words, hoping they'll be read by my friends, let alone any strangers... hoping they'll resonate with anyone.

They're resonating with me right now, and that's probably definitely enough.

This past weekend my boyfriend and I spent some quality time in a tiny coastal town in Mendocino County.  We were at a quaint, perfect bed and breakfast (North Coast Country Inn) and had time.

We had time to wander, to talk, to laugh, to sleep, to be in love, and to hope.

We laughed (though it is more sad than funny) about the ridiculousness that is the rat race we are convinced to buy into by those making a huge profit off our toils.  We dreamed about a life in which Friday can be the worst day of the week because you just can't bear to take a break from your job (your passion).

Where the Sunday blues don't exist.  Where $70k, $80k, $150k per year doesn't mean anything because it doesn't really need to..

There is a story about a fisherman.  The fisherman went to sea, caught as many fish as he needed to feed his family for 2 weeks (a month, whatever) and then came home and spent time with his family... for another 2 weeks until he needed to go out and catch more fish.

An American businessman met said fisherman and offered his sage, corporate advice.

If the fisherman would only expand his enterprise and mass distribute the fish he could eventually become an international mogul, retire "early", and relax for the rest of his life...

...fishing and spending time with his family.

I am only 27.  I am still part of the rat race and I definitely don't have all of the answers.

But I am going after a life more like the fisherman and less like the businessman.

I'll see you there :)

SOMEDAY

First things first - HAPPY FRIDAY (oh my goodness how happy I am to say that!!).

But no time for dilly dallying today - let's get down to business.

I have a serious question to ask of you:

How do you stay focused and motivated for "someday" things when "now" things spring up?

To explain...

I want, more than anything (almost anything), to be a homeowner someday.

Obviously to purchase a home, one needs a down payment.  Therefore, one needs to save save save.

But how do you (yes YOU, dearest darlingest reader) stay focused on such a long-term goal when there are things here, there, and everywhere demanding financial attention?

Apartment things, fashion things, delicious food and drink things, fun outing and adventure things, adorable baby things to buy for your niece, stupid annoying things like car maintenance...

I'm pretty sure you get the point.

Future home purchase aside, I'm also going to be paying for a majority of my someday wedding.

That's not a price tag to scoff at, either.

And yet... these stupid now things tempt me so.

So, again, I ask:

How do you stay focused and motivated for "someday" things?

This lady needs your help :)

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THE FIRST STEP

So I talked and talked and talked about it... and yesterday I took the first official step towards my dreams.

That's right...

I applied to a grad program.

p.s. is that staircase not fantastic?  I would so love that in my future dream home... until then, I'll just share it here :)

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THE JOY IS MINE

**This is a rant post.  You have been warned.**

Comparison is the thief of joy.  I just keep repeating it to myself over and over.  I am so frustrated and overwhelmed with things I want to say about this that I don't even know where to start.  The phrase is on repeat in my mind.

It rings so true.  SO true that it stirs up all sorts of anger from deep within me.  Anger at "society".  Anger at the "media".

Anger at myself.  For letting my self-judgment and propensity toward... not jealousy... but feeling less than enough steal my joy.

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We live in a highly competitive society.

I know my generation is full of "participation award" winners and that supposedly messed us up and made us feel entitled... but I would argue otherwise.

No kid with a participation ribbon thinks he or she is a "winner".  Kids know that first place is the best and that anything less is... not the best.

Kids know who the smartest kid in class is.  Kids know who the funniest kid in class is.  The prettiest.

The list goes on.

I can't tell you how many of my friends are stuck with these labels (affixed to them by adolescents clambering up the ladder toward social success) permanently ingrained in their self-perception.

I bet if you took a poll, almost every single person you asked could name that person.  The person who seemed to embody perfection at a level unattainable to the rest of us.  The person whose talents and abilities outshone the rest of us.  The person who, because of their success, made the rest of us feel inadequate.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

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I think this is encouraged (and perpetuated) by the media.

Gossip magazines rank the most hated celebrities.  If that isn't bad enough all on its own...

Who "wins" (loses?)...

An infamous serial killer?  An out-of-control young star that wreaks havoc everywhere he goes?  A desperate starlette fighting addiction and setting a terrible example for young girls everywhere?

No.  Don't be silly.

Gwyneth Paltrow.

Because... she strives to eat a clean diet... she works hard to be a devoted mother... and she can afford a wardrobe the vast majority of Americans cannot...

Seriously?

If we have really gotten to the point of hating someone who SEEMS to have it all together (I'm sure Gwyneth has her frazzled moments just like the rest of us), then we are in a very sad, sad state.

Don't let Gwyneth steal your joy, people.

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When I get really honest with myself and the things that I struggle with (shopping too much, hating my body, anxiety, feeling ugly, feeling unworthy), it's pretty clear that these serious issues all stem from my mind being in a place of comparison.

I would be better and happier if I had a closet more like her.

Why can't my arms be more toned like hers?  I need to work harder to change them.

I need everything to be under control in its proper place so that some unnamed rival is defeated.

How can D be sure that I'm the right person for him?  There are so many other women who are nicer, sweeter, more giving, and might make him happier.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

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Let's look at those same thoughts from a place of gratitude and self-love.

I am so blessed to have what I have.  Regardless of what I wear, I am a good person.  I am enough.

I feel healthy.  I exercise because it makes me feel good.  I eat well because it makes me feel good.  Feeling good and healthy is more than enough.

There will be moments that I have it all together.  There will be moments when I don't.  Whether or not everyone shares them, everyone has these ups and downs, as well.  It is perfectly acceptable.

I choose D because he makes me happy, challenges me, and encourages me to be a better person for myself because he loves me.  I trust him to be doing the same in choosing me as a partner.  I am nice, sweet, giving, make him happy, and love him.  I am enough.

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Sorry, comparison.

At least for this moment, on this day, the joy is mine.

Make it yours, too.

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WHERE YOUR THOUGHTS TAKE YOU

Love this.

First of all, I'm thinking about Maui right now... because I am traveling there this Thursday for my best friend's wedding!!

Can't wait.  Or, maybe I can wait... at least until I pack.

But obviously this quote isn't about globetrotting...

I am today where my thoughts have brought me.  Interesting to think about.

When I took my first job straight out of school, I hated it.  I didn't like my day-to-day tasks, but I also didn't like the person whom the company wanted me to be.

I swore off the industry (construction), but deep down I wondered if it was just the working environment I hated.  After all, I have a degree in engineering.  You can't just throw that away.

Where did my thoughts take me?

Back to construction with a company that lets me be who I am and encourages me to find my own path to success.  I have the "dream" scenario that I wondered about five years ago.

And I still don't like it.  It has nothing to do with my coworkers - they, for the most part, are fantastic.

It just doesn't make my soul sing.  And now I can officially shut down those "what if" thoughts and move on.

So these past few months my thoughts have taken me somewhere very different.  And I started filling out a grad school application last night so that I will be where my thoughts have been.

This law of universal attraction isn't just for big picture stuff.  Do you ever have a lousy start to your day and then find a million things to be irritated about?

Maybe that's just your thoughts taking you deeper into misery and annoyance.

Maybe a simple mental shift would put a rosy hue on your afternoon.

Just as I am working to proactively shift my thoughts to redirect my path... maybe I can use this same process to clean my mind of self-effacing thoughts, of judgmental thoughts, of jealous thoughts, of anxious thoughts.

Easier said than done, but let's see where it takes us, shall we?

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ACCOUNTABILITY

My oh my it's May...  (and the first time I started this post it was October)

Spring is in full swing and temperatures hit the 90's this week!!

My very sweet, enthusiastic intern/roommate went home for the summer and my apartment is ALL MINE for the next month.

And between weddings, showers, bachelorette parties, college reunions, and (let's be honest) spring fashion... my bank account officially hates me right now.

So I'm going to (regret saying this, but) partake in something I saw on another blog (Modern Eve).

Monthly "what I bought" reports.

Keeps me honest.  Because addicts have to admit they have a problem.

And I love me some shopping.

So far?

I bought an iced coffee this morning at Starbucks.

And a tank of gas.

OKAY FINE AND I ALSO BOUGHT A SAUSAGE & EGG SANDWICH, but I gave the english muffin to my boyfriend a coworker.

Just kidding.

I mean I did, but I'm not going to bombard you with that much crazy detail.

Home stuffs, clothing stuffs, jewelry stuffs, maybe makeup stuffs.

That's what I'll be reporting.

Unless I go crazy (uncrazy?) and change my mind.

What do you do to keep yourself financially accountable?  Do you budget?  Save your pennies?  Stuff cash under your mattress?  I'd love to hear, because I need all the budgeting help I can get!!